How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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