Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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