just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
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Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize