I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
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All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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