That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
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Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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