Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize