Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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