I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
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He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
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Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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