Pants 0. Shit 1.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
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she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize