Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
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