A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize