And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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