you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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