Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
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Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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