I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize