Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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