Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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