when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
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So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
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Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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