Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
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