Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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