Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize