dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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