shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize