Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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