he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
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Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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