I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
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In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
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Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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