Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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