a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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