bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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