I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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