Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
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I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
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GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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