I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize