i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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