I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize