so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
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She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
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I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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