Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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