MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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