I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize