what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
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i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
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In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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