I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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