I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize