Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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