Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
