NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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