thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize