Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
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To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
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Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize