babies were throwing up all over the place
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Drunk is a universal language darling
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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