You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
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We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
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I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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