oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
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She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
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Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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