the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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