the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize